I need to stop coming to work sober
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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