I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
