Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
