So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
