I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
