I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
