i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
