Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
