on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We don't watch enough power rangers
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize