I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
