I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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