please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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