trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
