So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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