Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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