i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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