Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize