Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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