We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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