well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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