I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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