I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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