We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
