two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
that may or may not have been my penis.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
