If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So squirting runs in the family.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
