we're blogging at a bar
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
