Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
