This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
