I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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