I bet he comes in French.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
