That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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