Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
