Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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