I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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