Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
