the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
