I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
