so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
