I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
