He had one of those small greek statue penises
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
