The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
