This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
