I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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