Old men and throwing up are my life now.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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