I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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