I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
worst night to have a conscience
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
