Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
