Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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