when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
