weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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