Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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