i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
