Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize