woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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