Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
