Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize