"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize