Moan for me like Helen Keller
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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