Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize