you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
