Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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