Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Will exercising make me less horny?
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