you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
