That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
