May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
