I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
