Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
