I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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