what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Found the puke drawer
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize