god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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