She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
