At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
