What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
