That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize