Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Please, let me fuck your mom
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
