worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Are we still banned from the library?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
