I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
