ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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