I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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