So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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