So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
