I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
