dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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