I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize