I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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