foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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