I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
