Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
