omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
