someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
