You really coming over, don't trick.
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
