WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
