They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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