I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
