He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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