david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Fuck appropriateness.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
