This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize