I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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