Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
