I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
