i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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