I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
