She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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