The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
