You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
