Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
