I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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