after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
