Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
