It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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