He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize