Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
