I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
